Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Cylons Had a Plan...And Forgot It

Friday was the last episode of the groundbreaking reimaging of Battlestar Galactica, a series who's promise was only matched by the intricate plots it's amazing creator created. For four seasons (that lasted as long as six would on any other network), we watched the show peak early, and grind through, kept interested by the fact that the writers would surely finally answer all of the amazing loose ends with the finale., not quite. This great article pointed out the major plotholes that the finale had to address. Here's how they did. Warning: if you haven't watched it, and don't want to be spoiled, stop reading now. Ready? Ok.

  1. What, exactly, is this "plan" that the Cylons have? Um, none, it seems. Unless their plan was total destruction of the skinjobs, and a rebellion that got rid of most of them. Conclusion: Fail.
  2. Who (or what) are the Head People? If we are to believe the finale, they were angels. Yes, angels. Seriously. No kidding. A sci-fi series that used a major plot angels. Frakkin' hell. Conclusion: Addressed...but blech.
  3. What is Starbuck? We have no idea. She disappeared. Literally. The most amazing female character in sci-fi since Ripley, and they completely copped out. Conclusion: Utter and complete Fail.
  4. Why can't everybody just go back to Kobol to live? And why did they leave in the first place? The first part was addressed: they found Earth...the real Earth (though the previous devastated Earth looked a lot like NYC...can the Brooklyn Bridge evolve in two separate cultures?). Why did they leave? At that time, they were being driven by Cylons. If they hadn't found Earth, it would be valid to ask. Conclusion: Addressed.
  5. Where do Gaius Baltar's loyalties actually lie? With Baltar, of course. And that didn't change with the finale, despite the pseudo-holy storyline. Conclusion: Addressed.
  6. What are the powers of the human-cylon hybrids, not to mention the cylon-ship hybrids? No idea. It was definitely an intriguing plotline left dangling. And what the heck was with Sam being able to receive orders to fly Galactica into the sun? And take the fleet with him? I though he was hardly functional? Conclusion: Fail.
  7. What really happened on Earth that sparked the first war, which led to the Final Five, which then led to the Eight Skinjobs? No idea. Yep, they spent three seasons building up to this...and forgot to deal with it. Sigh. Conclusion: Fail.
  8. How did the Skinjobs get control over the Centurions? Good question, but it really was never a plot point. Maybe we'll know with the new series that tells the story from their side, this fall. Conclusion: Not explained.
  9. Why do Cylons have to be in love with humans in order to reproduce with them? And what the hell was that glowing light in Athena's back? Plus why is resurrection so bad? Not even touched. Not even mentioned. It was only the subtext for four seasons; why explain it now? Conclusion: Fail.
  10. So why only seven or eight new skinjob models? Why not hundreds? Why make more than one copy of the same model? It doesn't seem like the cylons were like that on Earth. Uh, yeah. But not really a series plotline. Again, maybe we'll know in the Fall. Conclusion: Not explained.
  11. Is there a God or gods controlling everybody's fate? Yep. That's right: Galactica was actually a production of the 700 Club. Sad. Conclusion: Addressed.
  12. Bob Dylan??? Actually, it was Jimi Hendrix. That explains, it right? One of the most annoying storylines of the series, with the mysterious, futuristic Cylons only revealing themselves to strains of "All Along The Watchtower." Conclusion: God has a plan for all things...divine revelation happens with the playing of Jimi Hendrix...therefore, Hendrix is God. Can't be anything else.
Gotta say, this was definitely a letdown. The first sci-fi series to truly crossover, and break new ground in both effects and storytelling, as well as being somewhat true to the genre, went out not with a 2 hour bang, but a long, dragging whimper. RIP, Galactica. Will we give your two new spinoffs a chance? No promises, but thanks for finally putting your loyal fans out of their misery.

1 comment:

lloydmfrancis said...

That's why I gave up on the series. Had my doubts that all those facets could ever be explained in a compellingly original way. It was nice to drop in and visit occasionally, but the process was agonizingly lugubrious. Not to mention that Jamie Bamber stopped taking off his clothes every episode.